Attack of the Insensitive Jerk
by Bonsequidalafond'rea
Summary: Erik Martin trapped in a dangerously realistic lucid dream must team up with characters from Mahou Sensei Negima, Eureka 7, Various Gundam series, Ouran High School Host Club, the Macross Series, TMOHS, Earth Maiden Arjurna, Escaflowne, Fairy Tail, Last Exile, Code Geass, Spice and Wolf, Fate/Stay Night, Vocaloid, and many others to prevent losing himself to fantasy.
1. Chapter 1

*I own none of these characters or their constitute powers and weapons.

Lucid dreaming affects the mind and soul in a way that cannot be explained. Having control over the dream edition of yourself allows one to participate in the wild fantasies that populate ones inner conscious. This can be a fun-filled adventure or, in the case of Erik Martin an untamed descent into an amorous representation of the experiences and happenings of his young life.  
Erik Martin was a mediocre 18 year old male, slender in build and sharp of facial structure. His short brown hair sat lightly on his head still showing the fuzzy signs of being shaved a month earlier. Erik had box-rimmed glasses, but no contacts which he believed would damage his light grey eyes. A fair amount of hair sat gallantly upon Erik's chin and upper lip, setting him apart from his younger more immature self.

His life, at this point, was a drifting mass of leaving behind old, outdated habits and preparing for an uncertain future. A professorship was his goal but what exactly he would be a professor of remained unanswered. His days were spent doing menial labor and shuffling boxes of old toys and clothes from the basement to the Salvation Army. His nights however, a world of indulgence in a guilty pleasure that sat in the corner of Erik's mind since he was young.

Anime and manga, a match made in heaven as far as he was concerned; a blank page upon which any scenario could play out and anyone could be anything they wished. Problem with making wishes was that Erik's mind had an uncanny way of looking to make those wishes come true.

Erik wasn't much of a drinker but it was his mother's birthday so having a little bit of alcohol was acceptable within his household. Problem was, Erik was a lightweight through and through and even a small amount ended up giving him a buzz. Erik always placed a strict limit on his intoxicant intake so he stumbled into bed hoping his fuzzy vision would clear up by morning. The problem with that was that morning never came…

Erik came too surrounded by trees and plants of a tall and old deciduous forest. The smell of damp earth permeated his nose, starkly contrasting the expected smell of his own room. The sun sat low on what Erik could assume was the western horizon; its light filtering down through the thick canopy foliage.

Erik clamored to his feet, wide eyed and searching desperately for a sign of anyone or anything that could have put him such a predicament. The mad dashing of his eyes could not seem to locate anything particularly question but his optical scavenger hunt was cut short by a nearby voice calling out.

The first had a South Asian accent to it.

"Kaede, do you see him ~aru?"

The second a more Japanese.

"No, but recon said this is where he fell so we should be close ~de gozaru."

Not knowing what to do Erik creeped slowly toward the edge of the clearing he came to in. A nearby berry bush looked promising as a hiding place and in strange country he wasn't taking any chances. He was home free until a figure fell from above and landed right in front of him, causing him to tumble backwards.

"I found Him!" The Japanese voice said. "It's good to see you again commander."


	2. Chapter 2

Erik rubbed his eyes before replying "Commander? What!?"

"There you are. We've been combing this forest up and down hunting for you. Next time we tell you to hold on, we mean it ~aru." Said the South Asian voice as it emerged from between the trees.

It was unbelievable. In front of Erik, as he lay where he fell back, stood Nagase Kaede and Fei Ku of class 3-A. Kaede reached out her hand which Erik hesitantly took.

"Good, now we can get you back to the fleet. Poejat will launch his assault upon Capital any minute and the fleet will not be as strong without you at the helm ~de gozaru." Kaede exclaimed.

"Hold on a minute, who?" Erik asked "What fleet, what helm, what the hell is going on!?"

"He must have taken a blow to the head on his way down. Not much we can do here; we'll have Belle take a look when he returns to Capital ~aru." Stated the Asian voice.

After brushing the dust off his legs Erik got a good look at his two "rescuers". One stood taller than the other with deep green hair. She, the one called Kaede, wore full shinobi garb with a rather large cloak draped over her shoulders. Her eyes were lightly closed but Erik could not shake the feeling her sense of perception was far beyond that of a normal human being. The shorter one wore a traditional Chinese Dress, clearly modified for heightened mobility. She was leaning on a solid iron staff not much longer than her own body. Both looked happy to see him although the rapid pace at which these events played out still concerned Erik.

"Alright slow down. Can someone give me the who, what, when, where, why, and how of this situation?" Requested Erik. "If I can accept that I went to bed a little drunk and woke up in a forest in the middle of nowhere; that still doesn't explain, the fleet, the Poejat, and the fact that I was just recovered by Nagase Kaede and Fei Ku of Mahou Sensei Negima."

"He remembers us ~aru!" Ku Fei shouted.

"It's good to have at least part of you back, but I'm afraid we haven't time for those formalities. Miss Noriega will give you the details but if you're not in your ship before the enemy arrives we're as good as dead. ~de gozaru" Kaede added.

"Nori-, the tactical forecaster of Celestial Being?"

"The same one ~aru."

"This just got really bizarre."

With that they were off. Kaede swiftly grabbed Erik up in her arms and proceeded to move at high speed through the trees. At this point Erik had no plans to struggle. It's not every day that some of your favorite anime characters recover you from a forest and refer to you as "commander". Despite having closed eyes and a slight grin, Kaede had fierce look on her face. They moved with great purpose, going from tree to tree in a matter of seconds. A quick glance over revealed that Ku Fei was keeping up by means of her Pactio, the iconic Ruyi Jingu Bang staff of infinite size and girth. It was all too perfect, the accents, the outfits; they were perfect copies of the characters from a fictional anime. But this was real, at least it felt real.


	3. Chapter 3

They came to a break in the trees soon after setting off from the forest clearing. A long dirt road stretched far in both directions.

"Here we are, and it seems our transportation is where left it ~de gozaru." Kaede affirmed.

Sitting on the side of the road was a standard combat transport jeep. The paint job was military green and the insignia on its hood was a representation of a bald eagle. A twin gun turret was mounted on its passenger side seat.

Erik took a spot in the back seat of the vehicle. Kaede took up the gunner's position and Ku Fei the driver's.

"Floor It!" Kaede yelled just before Ku Fei let it fly and they went speeding down the expanse of dirt.

The trees began to pass faster and faster until they became a blur of green and orange light. The sun sat lower than before crawling slowly down the wide breadth of the evening sky. Erik clung tightly to the railing on the back of the front seat. It was a rough ride. Ku Fei sacrificed safety and comfort for speed. The constant bumps and curves put the jeep on the edge of flipping multiple times. It was exhilarating; however, Erik could not shake the unlikeliness of the preceding and current events.

"We're almost to the cutoff where Capital comes into view. ~aru" Ku Fei said back at Erik.

"Wait, you mean THE Capital, right?" Erik rebutted.

"No, the name of the capital is Capital ~de gozaru." Kaede replied.

"Which uncreative ass came up with that?" Erik sarcastically asked.

The girls were holding back chuckles although a few snuck through. They said in unison, "you did."

Erik's expression went blank. He sighed heavily as he slumped back into his seat. By this point, the jeep and its passengers had hit the bottom of a rather large upward slope in the road. It winded back and forth up the side of a very steep bluff until it winded over the crest. Ku Fei and Kaede shot each other a quick glance and exchanged a slight grin. Erik could tell something was up but felt a little too out of his element to ask about it.

That's when he first saw it. Nothing had ever commanded his attention more. Capital was not just a city, it was a Metropolis. Its sheer size dominated the entire horizon; its spires reaching to the stars themselves. The main tower stood triumphantly at the center, far above the rest. Large walls of heavy set stone stretched out of sight in either direction.

If that wasn't impressive enough the Sky fleet waiting for Erik's arrival governed the heavens. Ships of all sizes, shapes, and styles flew together in an armada unlike any ever thought up by the fantasy and science fiction writers of Erik's avid reading hobby. Even as he approached more ships could be seen joining the rest in the air.

"Capital, cradle of the free world ~de gozaru" Kaede reflected. "Welcome back commander."

A small detachment of soldiers were standing by at the southern gate. A small VTOL air transport sat on standby just outside the heavy metal doors that made up the city gate. On each door the same eagle crest from the jeep stood out in a bas relief; looking down upon the roadway expanse. As the jeep slowed to a complete stop the soldiers gave a swift salute. A tall figure in a white and red jacket approached the jeep with a smirk slowly growing on his face. His hair was brown and his eyes an ice blue. Erik immediately recognized him but was rendered speechless by this even stranger turn of events.

"Thought you'd just go off and take a nap in the woods while all your friends fight the battle for you, hun? You're a real joker sometimes, you know that?" The young man who approached reached out his hand and grasped Erik's pulling him in for a hug. The young man was none other than Renton Thurston of Eureka Seven, slightly older than his 14 year old series counterpart.

The doors to the VTOL slid open revealing two empty seats. Renton released Erik and motioned over to the transport. Erik was a little hesitant. Too many questions paired with an approaching deadline he had not yet fully attuned himself with. Entering that transport, for better or worse, was going to be a commitment. The main question was who or what would that commitment be to. Erik glanced down and then up to stare at the massive and growing fleet holding position above the city. He turned to Renton and gave a short nod before making his way to the VTOL.

"I heard you took a nasty one to head. I certainly hope that won't affect your ability to fight or use your powers." Renton said jokingly.

"P-powers?" Erik stuttered back.

"Oh no, that's not good." Renton quickly put his hand up to his left ear and began to speak. "The difficulties as a result of the drop are a little more pervasive than we thought. Have Negi meet us aboard the Leviathan. We can at least give him a quick rundown on one of the exact reasons why he's our commander."

Renton turned back and gave Erik a full on smile and a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry commander I've seen you operate admirably in situations much worse than this. A quick session with the Magister Magi and you'll be just fine."

"Magister Magi? No way… You're talking about Negi Springfield, the Son of the Thousand Master, the Lightning God?" Erik asked awestruck.

"The very same. I know I've said it before but you keep some powerful company. Scary powerful. But of course you also hold some powerful foes as well. That's what all this crazy fleet business is about." Renton replied. "When we arrive at the Leviathan you'll meet up with Negi just before the Strategy meeting. We'll see just how much you remember before we throw you to the wolves."

Erik let out another sigh to match Renton's ever growing grin. He could tell there was deep companionship between Renton and himself which gave him a small measure of comfort in a sea of doubt.


	4. Chapter 4

"When you arrive we'll have Kyouya show you to the on-board dojo where Negi should be waiting." Renton added.

"Kyouya?" Erik queried.

"Your personal assistant? Oh come on, you have to at least remember him." Renton responded.

"I guess not, sorry."

Renton gave Erik a small bump on the head with his fist. "Don't apologize, just make sure you remember something soon or else it won't matter if you remember your ass from your elbow. Both will be space dust."

Sure enough a tall, slender young man with glasses stood waiting in the hanger of the Leviathan. As Erik stepped out of his ride, the man was hastily scrawling notes upon his clipboard. His glance shifted from the page to Erik. A smile stretched across the youthful man's face as he adjusted his glasses with his right index finger. When his hand returned to its resting place above the clipboard in his left arm it became quite obvious which "Kyouya" Renton had been talking about.

"Welcome back commander, I can see you remembered to fasten your seatbelt this time." Kyouya snidely remarked. "If we had just a tad more time I'd have you spend time in one of the Ootori Family Hospitals. They'd help you escape the amnesia in little time at all."

Erik chuckled. "Well my good friend, Amnesia or not I find it quite surprising that the third son of the head of the Ootori group spends his time as my personal assistant."

"An astute observation, however, I would like to remind you that being the personal assistant to one of the most powerful personages in the entire world provides for plenty of opportunities to advance ones personal agenda." Kyouyo retorted.

Erik fired back, "Indeed, I certainly hope that none of those 'advances' become counter intuitive to the goals of said powerful personage. That probably wouldn't bode well for any dissident personal assistants that might be the cause of such negative advancements."

"Oh of course not! Any striking discontinuity between one's own goals and that of a certain personage of great power would have a very unconstructive influence on the said goals of a personal nature.

Renton butted in, "God dammit guys! I hate it when you do this. We get it, you're both secretly plotting to rule the world and make everyone in it your slaves. Woo Hoo! We got bigger fish to fry than the ever growing, never ending egos you two flop out every chance you get.

Erik knew that Renton was right and gave a quick appreciative nod to Kyouya who motioned in the direction of a nearby elevator. Renton bowed before he set off towards a different end of the hangar bay. As he disappeared behind a nearby fighter, Erik got a better look at bay he had not yet observed in full.

In the bay, mechanics and pilots scrambled to and fro checking monitors and performing last minute prep work for battle. Canisters of fuel, ammunition, and coolant were brought out of storage on hover lifts that moved along red lines painted on the floor. Pilots saluted Erik as he passed by on his way to the turbo lift. One in particular stood out as he, like many others in the hangar, was not human but of an elvish ancestry. His helmet was modified to fit his long pointed ears. A more thorough survey would have revealed that not only the elves, but the dwarves, the elementals, the halflings, and small populations of various other races had all signed up for the fight against Poejat who had clearly pissed off just about everyone with his "grand crusade" against Capital.

Kyouya gave a quick review of Erik's battle preparation schedule which included the training session with Negi, a strategy meeting with the council of military advisors, and a quick trip by Erik's personal armory to gear up for battle. The corridors of the ship were tall and spacious providing enough room for large amounts of troops and gear to be moved from place to place. Soldiers were a constant sight; moving in small groups every which way throughout the halls. Tactical displays covered the entire stretch of both walls stopping only at doors and stairwells. Information flashed by quickly on all of the monitors giving information on the ships internal status and the ready status of all the combat divisions on the ship at the time. The door to the training dojo was not far from where the turbolift and the large marble columns on either side of its entrance gave it away.

"I'm sorry but this is where I leave you for now. Negi should be waiting inside and depending on how long this takes I may be back before you're done. Here take this, you'll need it." Kyouya handed Erik a long wooden staff. "Good luck"

And with that Kyouya quickly departed down the corridor. Almost immediately after grasping the staff Erik could feel his body surge with a low, rumbling buzz. It was unclear if the staff was causing the sensation or some dormant memory brought about by physical contact with the staff; however it was instantaneously clear that Erik was connected to this weapon in some way. Erik took a deep breath before sauntering into the dojo.

The main entrance to the dojo let out upon a large balcony that surrounded the entirety of the main training floor. Large doorways leading down to locker rooms sat at the four cardinal direction of the floor itself. Two benches sat on the left and right side of each of these entryways allowing combatants to rest between matches. At the far side of the dojo on the opposite wall of the entrance, a slender young figure sat sipping some sort of beverage from a tea cup. Upon noticing Erik's arrival the figure quickly placed his beverage down and waved, shouting:

"Ah, there you are my good friend. Care to join me for some tea?"

Erik made his way down the nearby steps. He made his way across the dojo floor to the bench at the far side. The closed distance revealed the young man to be none other than the Magister Magi himself, Negi Springfield.

"I knew we shared a fondness for black milk tea so I went ahead and prepared some for us." Negi softly stated. "No need to be uptight, come, sit. I'd love to chat just a bit like we always do before a spat."

With a similar muscle memory attributed to picking up his staff, Erik felt drawn to the seat next to Negi. Despite being in a strange place under strange circumstances, the smiling mage sitting in front of him radiated sincerity and warmth. With little hesitation Erik took a seat and a cup; relaxing for the first time since he was dropped into this strange world.


End file.
